Children are being exposed to a culture of snark and meanness in online spaces as the news and social media have been permeated by hostile commentary. Experiencing toxic comments on platforms like X, Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook is a widespread issue, and surveys across several countries have found that 42 to 67 percent of young adults have observed hateful or degrading speech online, while 21 percent have been victims of hate comments. The normalization of extremist views and misinformation have contributed to the rise of hateful speech in digital spaces. Because of this, people are now having second thoughts about whether to share their opinions, photos, or aspects of their life for fear of being mocked or degraded online.
Constant exposure to online hostility can make observers become less sensitive to hate speech over time, while victims can experience severe mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and PTSD. It may be difficult to change the way people behave online, but as a parent, you can help to create a kinder digital world by teaching your kids to practice empathy whenever they’re using their devices. To build a kindness-first culture, here’s how to teach children to combat online hostility with compassion.
Model Positive Behavior
Children learn habits and behaviors through imitation, and since kids do what their parents do, it’s important to be mindful about your Internet usage and how you interact with others online. First, avoid downloading apps or joining snark groups which encourage people to post hate comments about others. Use apps that promote positive interactions, such as Stanly Send Me Songs, developed by NY app creator Zibo Gao. The app allows you to send songs back and forth with people and have interesting conversations about music, minus the negativity. Another app to consider is Kindly, which is dedicated to sharing stories of kind gestures. Guide your kids as they download apps, and curate their digital environment for healthier screen time.
Next, be on your best behavior whenever you post on social media. Instead of spreading negativity, post words of encouragement, support, and gratitude. Also, think twice before commenting on any post. An offhand comment can land poorly since it may come across as judgmental or condescending, and there’s always the risk of someone twisting your words to fit their narrative. Remind your child that teasing or funny comments can be misinterpreted as a direct insult, so they should always choose their words wisely to avoid inadvertently hurting another person’s feelings.
Disarm with Kindness
Everyone has the option to avoid engaging in online conversations to preserve one’s peace of mind. However, there may be instances wherein your kids can’t help but speak up. Teens can feel on the defensive when their special interests, hobbies, or even favorite artists or celebrities are mocked or subjected to hate speech. As a result, they may engage in online wars with antis, which can easily turn into real-life fights.
When your child is feeling passionate about something that they’re emotionally invested in, it’s important to acknowledge their feelings and let them know that you empathize with them. However, you also need to show them that there’s a better way to express their feelings when another person is being overly critical of their interests or the people that they admire. For instance, let’s say that your child is a Coldplay fan and an anti responds to their post, telling your teen that the band isn’t any good. Instead of getting into an argument, teach them to disarm with kindness, which involves choosing to remain civil in the face of hostility.
Before typing, teach your child to take a deep breath to regulate their emotions, then ask a clarifying question, such as, “Interesting, I’m genuinely curious, can you tell me why you feel that way?” This catches the other person off guard and stops them from picking a fight. If your child feels like the commenter is just being a hater, they can acknowledge what they said without agreeing with their opinions by saying something like, “We all have different tastes in music, thank you for your reply.” Keeping calm allows your child to take control of the situation and prevents them from being dragged into a heated debate.
Know When to Take Action
Most people take the high road and scroll past hate comments. But everyone should also know what to do when things are being taken too far. Many platforms have rules about hate speech, and some types of online hate speech should be reported to prevent normalization, protect victims, and train algorithms to better identify and remove them from timelines.
Hate speech like incitement to violence and threats, discriminatory harassment and slurs, promotion of hate groups and ideologies, dangerous misinformation, and doxxing should always be reported on major platforms. Teach your child to recognize these forms of hate speech, as well as the proper way to report them to social media moderators.
Build a kinder digital environment to reduce hate and negativity in online spaces. Show your children how compassion can be an effective way to deal with online hostility, and guide them so they always respond with grace instead of anger.
