Helping Children Thrive During the School Year: Practical Guidance for Co-Parents

The start of a new school year brings plenty of excitement – and plenty of logistics. For families who are navigating separation, divorce, or a challenging co-parenting relationship, those logistics can become even more complicated.

School schedules, homework, extracurricular activities, transportation, bedtime routines, school supplies, parent-teacher communication, and transitions between two homes can all create opportunities for conflict. And when parents are already struggling to communicate, children can quickly find themselves caught in the middle.

That was the focus of two recent Maryland Parent Q&A sessions hosted by OnlineParentingPrograms.com: Helping Children Thrive During the School Year. Family and child specialist Nolanda Robert and family law attorney Mike Mastracci answered questions from parents about everything from sports and school routines to high-conflict communication, overnight visits, new relationships, safety concerns, and navigating the court system.

While every family is different, the conversations highlighted several practical principles that can help parents keep the focus where it belongs: on the child.

Keep Children Out of the Middle

One of the most consistent themes throughout both sessions was the importance of protecting children from adult conflict.

When parents disagree, it can be tempting to explain why the other parent is being difficult, failing to follow through, or making decisions that seem unreasonable. But children should not have to carry those explanations.

Instead, parents can focus conversations on what the child needs without assigning blame.

For example, when a child is affected by a parent’s failure to prioritize something important, Nolanda recommended explaining the situation without blaming the other parent. The goal is to help the child understand what is happening without asking them to take sides.

The same principle applies to communication between parents. Nolanda cautioned against using children as messengers for documents, requests, or emotional messages.

A good rule of thumb: If the message belongs between the adults, the adults should communicate it directly.

Make School Routines as Consistent as Possible

Children moving between two households may have different routines, expectations, and schedules. Some differences are inevitable, but consistency around the things that matter most can make transitions easier.

Nolanda recommended maintaining consistent routines for important things such as:

Bedtime
Homework
School preparation
Morning routines
Meals
Necessary school supplies

Even seemingly small details can prevent unnecessary conflict. Making sure children have their uniforms, school materials, chargers, and other necessary items can reduce the number of situations where one parent feels the need to blame the other.

When homework becomes a struggle, parents can communicate directly about the difficulty rather than turning it into a disagreement about which household is responsible. In some situations, a tutor or other educational support may be appropriate.

The goal isn’t for both households to operate exactly the same way. It’s to provide children with enough consistency that they can focus on being children and students instead of managing differences between their parents.

Extracurricular Activities Are About the Child

Sports, clubs, performances, and other activities can be especially challenging for separated parents because they often require both parents to be in the same place.

Nolanda encouraged parents to be cordial at children’s activities and model appropriate behavior. Even something as simple as allowing a child to hug both parents during transitions can communicate that the child doesn’t have to choose between them.

Mike noted that parents don’t necessarily have to interact extensively. Simply being able to sit near one another at a child’s event (even without talking) can help normalize the experience for the child.

For parents who struggle to be in the same physical space because of past conflict or domestic abuse, however, safety and emotional well-being come first. Nolanda suggested individual therapy and, when appropriate, using tools such as Zoom or other alternatives to reduce direct interaction.

Children shouldn’t have to give up enjoying their activities because their parents cannot comfortably share the same space.

Use Communication Tools That Reduce Conflict

When communication between co-parents is difficult, the method of communication matters.

Nolanda recommended the BIFF approach:

Brief. Informative. Friendly. Firm.

Instead of lengthy explanations, accusations, or emotional responses, parents can focus on providing the necessary information clearly and respectfully.

Mike also discussed using parenting communication tools that keep schedules and communications documented in writing. Parenting apps can help parents avoid disputes over what was said, when something was requested, or what the agreed-upon schedule was.

Parents should also remember that they don’t have to respond immediately to every communication. Mike noted that there are times when it is appropriate not to answer a phone call – for example, while driving or during a school pickup.

Creating boundaries around communication can be especially important in high-conflict situations.

Don’t Play the “Gotcha Game”

High-conflict co-parenting can sometimes turn into a competition over who can catch the other parent doing something wrong.

Mike encouraged parents to avoid the “gotcha game.” Instead, he suggested approaching interactions as though the parents were in a cooperative relationship, even when they aren’t.

That doesn’t mean ignoring serious problems. It means keeping everyday disagreements from becoming bigger than they need to be.

When a problem does need to be addressed, parents can focus on:

What happened
How it affected the child
What needs to happen next
What solution would best support the child

For parents dealing with emotionally manipulative, uncommunicative, or highly combative co-parents, Nolanda repeatedly emphasized returning the focus to the child’s needs.

When Parents Can’t Agree, Consider Structured Support

Not every parenting disagreement can be solved through a text message or conversation.

The Q&A sessions covered several tools that may help families manage ongoing conflict, including mediation, parent coordination, reunification therapy, and custody evaluations.

A parent coordinator can sometimes serve as a neutral resource when parents repeatedly disagree about smaller issues, such as extracurricular activities or schedule changes.

In more serious cases involving damaged parent-child relationships, Nolanda discussed reunification therapy as a potential way to work toward rebuilding healthy relationships.

Mike also explained that custody evaluators may conduct extensive reviews of a family’s circumstances, including interviews with family members and home visits, before making recommendations.

These resources are not appropriate for every family or every situation. Parents with questions about their specific circumstances should seek advice from an appropriate qualified professional.

Helping Children Through Transitions Between Homes

Transitions can be particularly difficult for children, especially younger children.

For children experiencing major changes, including separation while parents are still living in the same home, Nolanda recommended clear schedules and familiar comfort items such as a favorite stuffed animal or blanket.

Similar strategies can help children transition between two households. Familiar routines and belongings can help make a new environment feel more predictable.

For infants and young children, both sessions emphasized the importance of gradual transitions. Rather than immediately moving to long periods away from a primary caregiver, the experts discussed starting with frequent, shorter visits and gradually increasing the amount of time as the child adjusts.

Nolanda emphasized the importance of frequent contact for children ages zero to five, while also recognizing that each family’s circumstances are different.

For parents trying to develop a workable schedule, mediation may provide an opportunity to create a gradual plan that takes the child’s developmental needs into account.

New Relationships Can Bring New Challenges

Introducing a new romantic partner into a child’s life can be another complicated transition.

Nolanda recommended waiting until a relationship has demonstrated stability before introducing a significant other to children. During the Q&As, she suggested waiting approximately nine months.

The underlying concern is avoiding unnecessary confusion for children when adults’ relationships are changing.

Parenting plans can also address expectations around introducing new partners, including dating stipulations when appropriate.

When Safety Is a Concern, Take It Seriously

Some questions during the sessions involved concerns that went beyond ordinary co-parenting disagreements.

Parents asked about concerns involving alcohol use, domestic abuse, and children’s safety.

In situations where a parent has concerns about alcohol use, Nolanda discussed options such as requesting court-ordered testing or assessments. Mike also discussed the use of portable breathalyzers as a possible safety measure in situations where there is no existing court order.

These are circumstances where parents should seek appropriate legal and professional guidance rather than attempting to resolve a serious safety issue through ordinary co-parenting communication.

Similarly, when past domestic abuse makes direct interaction unsafe or unmanageable, parents may need alternative methods of communication and exchanges.

Reducing conflict does not mean ignoring safety concerns.

School Can Provide Important Information

When parents disagree about how a child is doing, information from neutral professionals can sometimes provide a clearer picture.

The speakers discussed situations where a child’s school performance may be affected by issues such as late nights, inconsistent routines, or differences between households.

Teachers and other school professionals may be able to document observable patterns in a child’s behavior or academic performance.

Parents should focus on gathering objective information rather than using the school as another battleground between households.

The question isn’t “Which parent is right?”

The more useful question is: “What is the child experiencing, and what can we do to help?”

Know When a Legal Issue Requires Legal Guidance

The Q&A also covered questions involving custody orders, relocation, grandparents’ rights, parenting time, educational records, and other legal issues.

Mike emphasized that parents should not be afraid to ask for additional parenting time when circumstances change. He also discussed the importance of understanding that modifying an existing arrangement can sometimes be difficult.

When a parent suspects that the other parent may relocate, Mike recommended consulting an attorney. The legal requirements surrounding relocation can be significant and should be addressed based on the specific circumstances and applicable Maryland law.

The same is true when there is no existing custody order. Mike noted that obtaining a court order can provide structure and enforceability when parents are unable to reach agreements themselves.

Legal questions are highly dependent on the facts of an individual case. Information shared during the Maryland Parent Q&A Forum should not be treated as individualized legal advice.

Remember What Children Need Most

Perhaps the most important message running through both sessions was that children don’t need their parents to agree on everything.

They need adults who can recognize that the conflict belongs to the adults – not to the child.

That may mean sitting on opposite sides of a soccer field without interacting. It may mean sending a short, factual message instead of an angry one. It may mean keeping the child’s favorite blanket at both homes. It may mean using mediation to work through a schedule that isn’t working. Or it may mean getting professional help when the conflict has become too difficult for parents to manage on their own.

For parents navigating separation or divorce, “co-parenting” doesn’t always mean having a friendly relationship with the other parent.

Sometimes it simply means finding ways to parent effectively without making the child responsible for the conflict.

And during the school year, that can make an enormous difference.

Resources for Maryland Parents

During the Q&A sessions, the panel shared and discussed resources that parents may find helpful:

Meet the Experts

Nolanda Robert, MS, CCFC

Nolanda Robert is a Clinically Certified Forensic Counselor who has worked with families for more than 30 years. She has provided services to family courts since 2005, including interviewing and providing therapeutic intervention to children and adolescents involved in highly contested custody cases. She is also a trained mediator and parent coordinator and works with children and adults navigating divorce, custody disputes, emotional challenges, and high-conflict family situations.

Learn more about Nolanda Robert

Michael A. Mastracci, Esq.

Michael Mastracci is a Maryland attorney with more than 35 years of experience handling contested divorce and child custody cases. He is also a mediator and collaborative-law practitioner and the author of Stop Fighting Over the Kids: Resolving Day-to-Day Custody Conflict in Divorce Situations. Mike also brings personal experience to his work, having navigated a highly contested custody case following his own separation when his son was very young.

Learn more about Mike Mastracci

Thank You to the Maryland Courts

A special thank-you goes to the Maryland Courts for making this Q&A program available at no cost to parents.

Providing parents with access to experienced professionals and practical information can be an important resource for families navigating separation, custody, and co-parenting challenges. We appreciate the Maryland Courts’ commitment to connecting parents with information that can help them support their children.

Join Us for the Next Q&A Session

The conversation doesn’t have to stop here.

Our next Maryland Parent Q&A session will focus on managing conflict without involving children, an important topic for any family trying to navigate separation, divorce, or ongoing co-parenting challenges.

The next session is scheduled for October 14, 2026 at 6:30 PM.

Parents are encouraged to bring their questions and participate in the conversation.

Whether your family is navigating a relatively new separation or has been dealing with co-parenting challenges for years, the goal remains the same: helping children feel safe, supported, and free to be children – even when their parents are working through difficult circumstances.

Need to get in touch? Contact our Maryland Parent Q&A panel at qa@onlineparentingprograms.com.

Parenting Advisor - Helping Children Thrive During the School Year: Practical Guidance for Co-Parents

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