The single parent experience can be difficult as maintaining discipline and routines while staying on top of finances leaves you with little to no time for rest. But taking care of a child while looking after a sick or aging parent comes with a different set of challenges, and balancing the needs of two generations can be emotionally taxing. Many dual-role caregivers, also known as the Sandwich Generation, experience guilt as they feel that they provide inadequate support and attention to both their parent and child. Studies also show that sandwich caregivers are at risk of developing mental health problems as they’re more likely to experience emotional distress and burnout.
The pressure to keep it all together and be the perfect provider, caregiver, and parent can make you feel lonely and emotionally disconnected from others, even if you’re physically surrounded by people. Feeling like no one understands or cares about your struggles can make you feel abandoned or isolated, which may lead to depression or self-destructive habits. If you’re a sandwich caregiver, you need to prioritize your emotional wellness to prevent severe burnout, improve your wellbeing, and maintain healthy relationships. Here are ways to find balance and manage the emotional weight as a dual-role caregiver.
Plan on Getting Practical Support
As a sandwich caregiver, you may feel like you have to do everything yourself to ensure that nothing goes wrong for your child or parent. However, you don’t have to carry the load all on your own, and it’s perfectly fine to share the burden by getting practical support. Some people choose to have their aging parent live in a care or nursing home since it gives them more time and energy to focus on their work and children. They may have the means to fund nursing home care, but some people may not have the financial capacity to afford it since it can be expensive.
Nursing home costs are driven by facility maintenance and labor-intensive care, among others, so if you need more affordable options you could consider scheduled carer visits or live-in care. This arrangement means that someone is always present to help with meals, washing, and mobility support, allowing you to work, run errands, or take time to rest without worrying about your loved one being all alone at home. What’s more, this allows your parent to live in a familiar environment, which enhances their comfort. It also enables you and your child to stay close to your mom or dad, fostering more quality time and strengthening family bonds.
Another option is to delegate or outsource specific caregiving tasks to siblings or extended relatives. If they can’t actively take care of your parent, perhaps they would agree to take on other tasks such as grocery shopping, driving your loved one to wherever they need to go, or staying with them at the clinic while they have their medical checkups or treatments. If they live too far away, ask them to chip in to cover medication and in-home care costs. Have a conversation about this and see what everyone can willingly and realistically contribute to help you out.
Acknowledge and Validate Your Feelings
As a dual-role caregiver, it’s likely that at some point, you felt annoyed or even mad at your loved ones, especially when they refuse to cooperate with you. Imagine dealing with a toddler who’s throwing a massive tantrum while you’re trying to get your elderly mom to take her medication, who refuses to take them for vague reasons. During these times, you may feel angry or helpless, and you might feel like you’ve lost yourself while caring for your child and parent. You may even mourn the life you thought you would have or fantasize about having a different life, one where you’re free to do whatever you like.
It’s okay to feel frustrated, overwhelmed, or sad when you’re having a hard time. Instead of suppressing your feelings though, acknowledge and validate them to teach your brain that it is safe to feel these emotions. This reduces shame and guilt, and improves your emotional resilience. First, name the emotion to help your brain calm down, then allow it to simply exist. Don’t try to ignore it, fix it, or change it. Let the emotion out by crying, writing your feelings down in a diary, or talking to a friend or relative. You may also speak affirmations to remind yourself that your emotions are valid, and that it’s normal to feel this way.
Create Micro-Moments for Your Wellbeing
You’ve likely heard all about how taking time for self care is essential for your mental wellness. But when you’re preoccupied with caring for two people, it’s likely that having an impromptu spa day or a leisurely brunch with friends is out of the question. You may not have hours to devote to self care, but you can create micro-moments to find small pockets of calm which can help to make you feel better. Whether it’s going for a 10-minute walk, listening to your favorite album while folding clothes, or drinking a cup of coffee or tea on your balcony or porch, things like these can help you decompress and prevent negative emotions from building up throughout the day.
Caring for a child and a senior parent can take a toll on your emotional wellbeing, so get practical support, validate your feelings, and take a moment to recharge your spirits whenever you can. Remember that managing emotions is essential for survival and health, and you deserve to have inner peace, just like everyone else.
